Becoming A Mom - Five Years Later

Five years ago today, I was sitting on my couch with my sweet daddy and mom in town to help Big Buckaroo and I out with the birth of our first son. It was a stormy night with a record number of tornadoes touching down as we drove to the hospital 45 minutes away. That should have been a hint to what I was getting into. Actually, my little tornado is amazing. On each birthday I write a letter to my boys, this is what I wrote on Little Buckaroo's first birthday. Enjoy!

You have heard it a million times: motherhood changes your life. Boy is that an understatement.
When I was pregnant everyone told my husband and I, “your life is going to change”. This was always followed by a little smirk or sometimes a full belly laugh. We just laughed back at them as we thought, “how ridiculous!” We had it all figured out - we were the perfect parents. Then Little Buckaroo arrived.

Right after his birth he was taken to the nursery due to fluid in his chest. It was a long two days of tears, fear, and prayer. That is the first time that I realized that my heart could beat outside of my body. Thankfully, the Lord blessed us and Little Buckaroo got better and we were home in just a few days. When my parents left from helping us the first two weeks, I observed Big Buckaroo watching them drive off with a deer in the headlight type of look on his face. We were on our own. It’s a year later and we have survived and so has Little Buckaroo thankfully. He is a healthy, loving, special gift from God.

Next to marrying my husband, he is the best thing that I have done in my life. When he looks at me I feel the unconditional love that can only be compared to that of what the Lord has for us. He is so pure, so innocent. Everyone is equal to him, he does not know war, famine, terrorism, or hate. He is love.

I have learned a lot from such a small little fella and my life is forever changed for the better. I now know that daily showers are not easy to come by, as soon as you get the house clean there are toys all over the floor within minutes, “baby brain” runs rampant with sometimes total loss of what I was talking about mid-sentence, peanut butter goes with everything, Cheerios can be a full meal, that dancing with my baby has its own loving rhythm, there are no sick days, paid vacation, lunch breaks or coffee breaks, and diaper wipes clean anything. I never knew something so small could affect my life so much or make me feel so important.

When he wraps his little hand around my finger, runs to his daddy when he gets home from work, gives me sloppy kisses, or just sleeps peacefully in my arms, it puts a smile in my heart. I praise God not only for entrusting Little Buckaroo to my care, but also for the wonders He is working in his life. When I look in his eyes I see who I want to be, he is the miracle that God gave me. In him I see the future, when I go to Heaven, I will be remembered through my son’s love.

If you would have asked me when I wrote this 4 years ago could I love him any more, I would have laughed and said it is not possible. Well, my friends, it is possible. Happy 5th Birthday Little Buckaroo!