Thursday, January 10, 2008

Focusing on What Is Important in Life

When I met Big Buckaroo I lived in Memphis and was a strong, independent woman. I had previously dated a great guy who happened to be a doctor and was under the impression that I was supposed to be a doctor’s wife, isn’t that what I had trained my whole life to be?

Big Buckaroo was not like anyone I had ever dated. So, when this Wrangler wearing Park Ranger sauntered into my life, needless to say, I was not expecting him. And, let me tell you, he definitely was not expecting me. But, this is not The Notebook version of our love story. So, put away your tissues, maybe one day I will share how God placed us together, it is a great love story.

Instead, I want to share something that has really been bothering me lately, something I have seen a lot lately in one of the Christian mom groups I have attended where I don't know the women well, it is called husband bashing. When I got married to Big Buckaroo, my mom told me not to call her whining and griping about Big Buckaroo if we had a fight. She knew that we would eventually make-up and she would be sitting 7 hours away focusing on how her sweet little innocent daughter had been wronged (of course she knows I am always right) resulting in bad feelings toward Big Buckaroo. Over the past 9 years, I have only slipped once, that won’t happen again. Now I know as women we are prone to whining about our lot in life, but when you share your negative feelings toward your husband with a group of women, it is degrading and disrespectful to the man God gave you.

As much as I love a good chick flick, I think we have to all readjust our thinking on reality. Have you ever seen a chick flick that has a faithful husband and wife with 2.5 kids, living a normal (whatever that might be) life, going to church and soccer on the weekends, and balancing the checkbook together? Not any I know of. The difference is the level of intensity, most chick flicks focus on the newness of relationships, at some point everyone comes down from the high of new love and settles into everyday romance (or lack thereof).

As you have seen from my blog, I, like many of you, like to take pictures. The one thing that is essential for a good photograph is focus. Focus is about making sure the image is not blurred, it is about what you choose to see and what you choose to ignore, it’s up to you. The same is true in relationships. Are we focusing on our spouse’s flaws, weaknesses, or are we focusing on the qualities that made us fall in love with them in the first place. The choice is ours.

I am blessed to have a wonderful husband that adores me and shows it, but we too have to be creative in thinking of ways to let each other know how special the other is. I hope in reading this it recommits you to focusing on the good, wonderful reasons you fell in love with your spouse, the love of your life.

If this does not nudge you, go rent The Notebook and watch it together! It will show you how you have to put effort into your relationship, it does not just happen, but the result can be a lifetime of passionate love. Then go write your own love story.

The Park Wife

17 comments:

Stacie said...

What a great post! I am just as guilty as the next person on many issues, but I did notice when I was with a large group of my friends at times eventually the conversation would turn toward husband bashing. I think it depends on the group as well as the intent too...I would never complain to a group of people who were not intimate friends on subject of my husband, but would confide in a close girlfriend or two because they are dealing with similar issues or if they are good enough friends will just say to me "Stace, you're being overly sensitive" etc...but to randomly put down your husband to a group of random people to me is so very wrong, and not only disrespects the husband as you stated, but makes the wife look bad as well. Intent is another thing too...if someone is just intent on making her husband look bad because she's angry...not good, but if someone truely is lost, just doesn't know what to do about something, is looking for guidance in some way..well then, not so bad but she should be choosey about who she talks to rather than airing her grievances to the whole group. Does that make sense? Your post was a great one.
Stacie

Meg said...

I read The Notebook a few weeks before my grandma, after suffering from alzheimer's for a few years, passed away. She just went to sleep in the bed she had shared with her husband of over sixty years and passed on.

The Notebook was an amazing book and the movie was just as beautiful. Heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time.

Great post!

BOOZEFAIRY said...

Great Blog! Well put and so true!! I, too, have come to realize this in my "old" age (thanks Lil Buckaroo..I still can't get that horrified look out of my mind haha)....But ya know, You've got to stop teasing us with the whole "one day I'll tell you about our love story"...I want to hear it!!! Pronto!! :o) Love ya'll!!

pam said...

I experienced this in great detail with my Mops group. First as a new mom, then as a mentor. I sat quietly as many of them complained, worried if I spoke too often about my husband actually helping and being nice they might think I was a goody two shoes or something. THEN, when I became the mentor of the group, when The Boy was no longer a preschooler, I felt I needed to step up a bit and address it. I feel like women need to have a way to let go of some frustration, but not dwell on it. So often when their husbands were not doing something they wanted them to, it was because they themselves were not communicating how important it was. Another thing I found was, the husbands just had no clue they were doing things wrong at times. Yes, some men are just not saints. I learned this clearly. I take for granted that all husbands are created equal, and they aren't. But when we all begin to try a little harder, things fall into place better. I always let the young moms voice their frustrations, then I try to direct them into solutions. Part of the solution is looking for things he DOES DO RIGHT, and reinforcing those, because we know that when you tell a man he did well, he wants to help more. (It's proven!) We all need to appreciate our blessings a bit more. I will tell W. when he gets home he is nice everyday :)

OneCowgirl said...

Hi Park Wife:
I love our state and national parks - even though they are underfunded - when I pay uncle sam every year I always say send it to the Dept. of Interior!

OneCowgirl said...

yes, add me to your blog roll....

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Love learning this kind of stuff about you!! Keep it coming. :-)

Hallie

OKGardners said...

What you are wrote is so true. Every wife (of any age) needs to be reminded to NOT bash her God-given husband.

Thank you for the wonderful insight you have given.

You are a wonderful WIFE and MOM.

Love you, Betty G.

Chicken Friend said...

What an encouragement to read..and a great reminder. We went to a wedding this weekend and the pastor talked about marriage being for our holiness not just our happiness...as it is God's work in us both that makes our marriage amazing and us more like Jesus. Here here..and not just that..but recognizing how truly blessed we are to have husbands taht love us, adore us and come home to us at night and help us. Now..I understand that not everyone is as fortunate as we are..but there is not anything or anyone that God and praying can not change. Another thing that the man said saturday was...we have a choice to serve and love each day..or to be selfish. I think the reality too many, way too many marriages end unneccesarily..as we focus on ME, I etc...rather than we or you. Here's to being intentional to sing praises to our amazing husbands..and to pray for those that aren't...they God would change us and their hearts!

Sherry said...

My friend writes a "Why I Love Him" post every Wednesday on her blog.

Sometimes we take the good stuff for granted.

:Jayne said...

I confess, I have been guilty of a bash or two. I do know how blessed I am to have him. I count that blessing every day!
Working on 22 years of writing our love story!

:J

Lisa said...

And make sure you write it in pencil instead of ink. ;o)

6pack said...

Great post! It makes me sad to hear women bash their husbands, it says to God, I don't trust your goodness to me in giving me this man. We are to be descrete, still learning what that means.

dlyn said...

What an awesome entry! Your Mom is wise [I have the same rule with my daughters, for the same reason]. I also encounter the same thing in groups of women and get dissed for not joining in. Even in groups of Christian women it prevails and that is truly sad. love your blog as always!

Dee/reddirtramblings said...

HH and I have been married nearly 19 years. One thing I've learned is that if I share stuff about him when I'm angry, it doesn't make me feel better. In fact, I feel much, much worse. So, I take it to God and put random thoughts (especially if I'm mad or sad) in a journal. It helps me, and if I want to burn the journal later, that's fine too. We also talk a lot. Non-accusatory talk, but still real. Thanks for the post. It's enlightening.

MP said...

When the Notebook came out my hubby rented the DVD for Vanentine's Day..we had a quite dinner and watched The Notebook..I ended up crying my eyes out..totally LOST the romantic mood..but STILL loved the movie..
PS..My relationship w/ my husband is between he and I..not my parents or friends or his family..I don't "air" dirty laundry when there is some..I don't think that is fair to him, I don't want him "bitching" about me..so... :0)
Great post!

Nan said...

Hmm... your writing style at the beginning was sounding mighty similar to a certain blogging idol's love story. :^D

I must not really be a woman. (um... but for the record, I am! LOL) I hated the Notebook... the book and the movie. But I loved this post and agree with every word!