Worrying does
not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of it’s strength. -Mary Engelbreit.
Last
weekend, Big Buckaroo sent me away to the city for a weekend with my dear
friend Jennifer. It was definitely time for a mom break, really, I adore my
children, but I am with them 24/7. Plus
it was my birthday weekend, wooohoooo, watch out Little Rock , two homeschooling, park wives
are on the loose. O.K., in reality, good food, a movie that does not involve
Disney characters, and some fun shopping was on the agenda, but we did it with
flair.
Running
away does not happen often, not because Big Buckaroo does not offer, but
because I always feel mom guilt and worry as I plan it. Yes, sistah friends, I
worry about crazy things. Such as, what if I have a wreck, who will take care
of the boys, oh, and no one could ever
love Big Buckaroo as much as I love him, I will never meet my
grandchildren....... the list goes on..... and on....
Can I blame this on my worry wart mother? She raised five boys and myself, believe me
she had and still has a lot of reasons to worry. Is it in my DNA? Have I always been like
this?
Or,
did this just happen the day I found out I was pregnant? You know the drill,
you are so excited to see the two pink lines, then you start freaking out over
the glass of red wine you had two nights prior and then you start thinking
about how your irrational fondness for chocolate covered donuts is going to
effect that little angel growing inside of you. Maybe worrying is just in the job
description of a mom, right up there with providing food and buying cute footie
pajamas with dinosaurs all over them.
There
are many things in my life in which I need encouragement, but worry, nope, not
one of them. But, worrying is so worrisome, it is completely stressful just to
worry. In my sane moments, I know it is the flip side of joy, pride, and
fulfillment.
So,
today, I am going to make a conscious effort to stop worrying about these
things. Alright, I am going to at least try, I have to start somewhere. If I am not successful, I will
just worry about not succeeding at stopping my worry. I know, it is a tangled
web I weave.
Anyway.......
today I will make an effort not worry about:
1-
Everything I am doing wrong. I do
not personally know any perfect people, but I know many who worry about being
perfect. Hand raised. That's me. I could exercise religiously (o.k. that might
be a stretch), serve my family the purest organic diet, lift my husband up so
high he could grab the flag off the moon and make sure the boys know Latin by
age 10, but, I would still worry that I am not doing enough or doing it
"right". Of course, there are plenty of people who want to make sure I
know I am not doing it "right". I will draw some boundaries and I will not let
them in my life. Yes, I might have to unfriend some people on Facebook who always have
status updates that are negative, judgmental, and whining about life.
*I am going to stop
worrying about perfection and not let the judgmental, negative people in my
life.
2-
What others think of me. This is a
hard one for my people pleasing self. I learned this early, I discovered that
feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so I learned
to do everything I could to make other people like me. I didn’t want to be
singled out by the crowd for being different because this was not such a nice
feeling (mean girls suck). I learned this way of being so well that, as an
adult, I continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to make sure everyone
likes me.
*
It is all an illusion, I cannot control what other people think. People have
their own agenda, they come with their own baggage and, in the end, they are
more interested in themselves than in me.
3-
What I think of myself (yep, lines
on my face, hips, behind, etc). - Do I need to exercise and lose weight, um
yeah, but I need to focus on that for my health rather than hoping everyone
that sees my outward appearance thinks I am "put together" or pretty.
In my minds eye, I am still an athlete that walks into the room and gets
attention, in reality, I am 41 and a little more than voluptuous. Full length
mirrors are of the devil. Thankfully, I have boys and the ten bazillion ads
that we see promoting an air brushed, unattainable beauty will not effect them
to the degree it does girls, but I do want to raise young men who are secure in
themselves without being cocky or conceited....nor feeling like an ugly duckling
in a beauty obsessed world. I must pass
on that acceptance of self to them, but I must first do it for myself. It will be a great gift I give them and myself.
*Instead
of obsessing over my own appearance, I will notice and mention beautiful things
(not external) about everyone else. And, I will make sure our boys know that a beautiful soul is more
important than outer beauty.
Don't worry, be happy!
The Park Wife
Don't worry, be happy!
The Park Wife
1 comment:
That's an awesome list of things to not worry about! And, seeing how you're so fabulous, it shouldn't take long to get in the no-worries habit!
{...on the other hand...I'm pretty sure worrying about your kids won't ever go away!}
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