Monday, May 7, 2012

Controlling the Worrywart in Me

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles.  It empties today of it’s strength. -Mary Engelbreit. 

Last weekend, Big Buckaroo sent me away to the city for a weekend with my dear friend Jennifer. It was definitely time for a mom break, really, I adore my children, but I am with them 24/7.  Plus it was my birthday weekend, wooohoooo, watch out Little Rock, two homeschooling, park wives are on the loose. O.K., in reality, good food, a movie that does not involve Disney characters, and some fun shopping was on the agenda, but we did it with flair.

Running away does not happen often, not because Big Buckaroo does not offer, but because I always feel mom guilt and worry as I plan it. Yes, sistah friends, I worry about crazy things. Such as, what if I have a wreck, who will take care of the boys, oh, and no one could ever love Big Buckaroo as much as I love him, I will never meet my grandchildren....... the list goes on..... and on....

Can I blame this on my worry wart mother?  She raised five boys and myself, believe me she had and still has a lot of reasons to worry. Is it in my DNA? Have I always been like this?

Or, did this just happen the day I found out I was pregnant? You know the drill, you are so excited to see the two pink lines, then you start freaking out over the glass of red wine you had two nights prior and then you start thinking about how your irrational fondness for chocolate covered donuts is going to effect that little angel growing inside of you. Maybe worrying is just in the job description of a mom, right up there with providing food and buying cute footie pajamas with dinosaurs all over them.

There are many things in my life in which I need encouragement, but worry, nope, not one of them. But, worrying is so worrisome, it is completely stressful just to worry. In my sane moments, I know it is the flip side of joy, pride, and fulfillment.

So, today, I am going to make a conscious effort to stop worrying about these things. Alright, I am going to at least try, I have to start somewhere. If I am not successful, I will just worry about not succeeding at stopping my worry. I know, it is a tangled web I weave.

Anyway....... today I will make an effort not worry about:

1- Everything I am doing wrong. I do not personally know any perfect people, but I know many who worry about being perfect. Hand raised. That's me. I could exercise religiously (o.k. that might be a stretch), serve my family the purest organic diet, lift my husband up so high he could grab the flag off the moon and make sure the boys know Latin by age 10, but, I would still worry that I am not doing enough or doing it "right". Of course, there are plenty of people who want to make sure I know I am not doing it "right".  I will draw some boundaries and I will not let them in my life. Yes, I might have to unfriend  some people on Facebook who always have status updates that are negative, judgmental, and whining about life.

*I am going to stop worrying about perfection and not let the judgmental, negative people in my life.

2- What others think of me. This is a hard one for my people pleasing self. I learned this early, I discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so I learned to do everything I could to make other people like me. I didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because this was not such a nice feeling (mean girls suck). I learned this way of being so well that, as an adult, I continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to make sure everyone likes me.

* It is all an illusion, I cannot control what other people think. People have their own agenda, they come with their own baggage and, in the end, they are more interested in themselves than in me.

3- What I think of myself (yep, lines on my face, hips, behind, etc). - Do I need to exercise and lose weight, um yeah, but I need to focus on that for my health rather than hoping everyone that sees my outward appearance thinks I am "put together" or pretty. In my minds eye, I am still an athlete that walks into the room and gets attention, in reality, I am 41 and a little more than voluptuous. Full length mirrors are of the devil. Thankfully, I have boys and the ten bazillion ads that we see promoting an air brushed, unattainable beauty will not effect them to the degree it does girls, but I do want to raise young men who are secure in themselves without being cocky or conceited....nor feeling like an ugly duckling in a beauty obsessed world.  I must pass on that acceptance of self to them, but I must first do it for myself.  It will be a great gift I give them and myself.

*Instead of obsessing over my own appearance, I will notice and mention beautiful things (not external) about everyone else. And, I will make sure our boys know that a beautiful soul is more important than outer beauty.

Don't worry, be happy!
The Park Wife

 Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

1 comment:

gina said...

That's an awesome list of things to not worry about! And, seeing how you're so fabulous, it shouldn't take long to get in the no-worries habit!

{...on the other hand...I'm pretty sure worrying about your kids won't ever go away!}